Taken from "I told you so, you blockhead! (Peanuts Treasury)" by Charles M. Schulz.

Charlie Brown: What's this? That little red haired girl dropped her pencil. Gee, it's got teeth marks all over it. She nibbles on her pencil. [A beatific smile crosses his face.] She's human!

Lucy: Do you think my eyes are beautiful Charlie Brown?
Charlie Brown: Yes, they look just like little round dots of india ink!

Snoopy: My dad used to run with the hounds but his sympathies were elsewhere. He used to run on ahead and warn the rabbits!

Lucy: There are sixteen ozzes in a lib.

Sally: Happiness is having your own library card!

Lucy: Our generation has been given the works. All of the world's problems are being shoved at us.
Linus: What do you think we should do?
Lucy: Stick the next generation!

(Linus is away at camp.)
Charlie Brown: What's that?
Lucy: It looks like something from Linus. It is! He sent me a little birch cark canoe from camp! HE said he made it himself. Sometimes I think I don't deserve a nice brother like Linus.
Charlie Brown: I have often thought the same thing.
Lucy: (writing) Dear Linus, Please send me another canoe. The first one broke when I threw it at Charlie Brown.

Charlie Brown: (writing) Dear Pencil-pal, did you have a nice summer? Mine could have been better, but it could have been worse. For me, that's good.

Linus: Some dogs are fun to play with. Some dogs chase sticks when you throw them. Some dogs sticks and then bring them back.
Snoopy: Some dogs are pretty dumb!
Linus: You won't do it, hun?
Snoopy: Nope! I want people to have more to say about me after I'm gone than "He was a nice guy. He chased sticks!"

Charlie Brown: Well, if they're going to beat us, they're really going to have to try! [One play later.] I hate it when they try!

Lucy: Comb your hair, it looks like a rat's nest!
Linus: Rats have to have a place to live too, you know!

Lucy: Did you ever stop to think what a drab world this would be without the sound of children's voices?
Schroeder: I can think of a few we could do without.
Lucy: Someday I'm going to break all the legs on his piano!

Linus: Look Charlie Brown, you have fears and you have frustrations, am I right? Of course I'm right! So what you need is a blanket like this to soak up those fears and frustrations!
Charlie Brown: I don't know. I think most of life's problems are too complicated to be solved with a spiritual blotter!

Lucy: Look at those stupid bugs! They don't have the slightest idea as to what is going on in this world.
Charlie Brown: What is going on in this world?
Lucy: I don't have the slightest idea!

Linus: I think you should stop sayhing 'nyaah nyaah nyaah' to Charlie Brown. Those 'nyaah's can hurt!
Sally: Oh, don't be ridiculous!
Linus: Well, they do hurt! Those 'nyaah's can get down in your stomach and really hurt!
Sally: You're crazy! A few 'nyaah's can't hurt anybody!
Linus: They can if they become infected!

Linus: We had a good time at school today. Our teacher took us on a field trip. We went out and we saw this great big field. It was a real field, and we saw it! We stood right there are we saw that field!
Charlie Brown: Do you think you'll be going on any more field trips?
Linus: I doubt it. When you've seen one field, you've seen them all.

Snoopy: When all you have to count are the hours to suppertime, it doesn't matter whether you use 'old math' or 'new math'!

Frieda: What's the use of naturally curly hair if no-one's jealous?

Lucy: This is a hard world to get along in. I feel sorry for all the new little babies.
Linus: But they keep right on getting born. Do you realize that somewhere this very moment a child is being born?
Lucy: GOOD LUCK KID, WHEREVER YOU ARE!

Violet: Pig-Pen, you're an absolute disgrace! All that dirt and dust... you could be a germ carrier. Did you ever stop to think of that?
Pigpen: So what if I am? Even germs get tired of walking now and then!

(Linus has just read something interesting and goes to tell Lucy about it.)
Linus: When Juliet asks 'O Romeo, Romeo, whereforth art thou Romeo', she is not wondering where he is. Rather she is commenting on the fact of his being named Romeo!
Lucy: Now that I know that, what do I do?

Charlie Brown: Well Snoopy, what are your plans for today?
Snoopy: Plans? I hadn't even thought about it. But I suppose I'll sleep a little this morning. Then this afternoon I'll take a short nap and later on I'll try to get some more sleep. Those are good plans!

Snoopy: The only way to beat the cold weather is to hibernate. I will now settle down in my den and not come out until... suppertime.

Schroeder: Buying records cheers me up. Whenever I feel low I buy some new records. I was so depressed today I bought Mendelssohn's violin concerto and Handel's Ode for St Cecilia's Day.
Lucy: Wow! How depressed can you get!

(Lucy makes Linus some toast.)
Linus: You gonna make some toast? How about putting in a slice for me?
Lucy: Here you are.
Linus: Thank you very much. Hey! This is too light! Surely you don't expect me to eat raw toast!

Lucy: So you forgot Beethoven's birthday? What difference does it make? Who really cares? It's all so stupid! You take these things too seriously Schroeder. Now if it had been MY birthday you had forgotten...
Schroeder: Oh, good grief!

Lucy: Merry Christmas you blockhead!

(Lucy and Linus argue. Linus goes out and builds a snowman that looks like Lucy.)
Lucy: Ha! I see what you're up to. That's supposed to be me, isn't it? And I'll bet you're going to kick it, aren't you? ...
Linus: On the contrary, that would be crude. I'm going to stand here and watch it slowly melt away!

Linus: (writing) Dear Santa Claus, how have you been? Please don't get the idea that I am writing because I want something. Nothing could be further from the truth. I want nothing. If you want to skip our house, go right ahead. I won't be offended. Really I won't. Spend your time elsewhere. I really mean it.
Lucy: WHAT IN THE WORLD KIND OF LETTER IS THIS?
Linus: I'm hoping that he'll find my attitude particularly refreshing.

Lucy: Just sign it... that's right... thank you. No matter what happens any place or any time in the world, this absolves me from all blame!
Charlie Brown: That must be a nice document to have.

Charlie Brown: School starts Monday.
Sally: Not for me!
Charlie Brown: What do you mean, not for you?
Sally: I went last year!

Linus: I can't go out to play after school for a whole week, Charlie Brown. My dad says my report card was so poor I have to stay in.
Charlie Brown: Oh, what are you doing, studying?
Linus: No, watching TV!

Lucy: Everywhere you go you seem to run into phonies! The people you think are sincere usually turn out not to be, and the people you think aren't sincere usually turn out to be sincere! The question is, how do you tell the phonies from the realies?
Charlie Brown: Realies?

Lucy: What are you grinning about?
Linus: I'm not grinning. This is my disarming smile. (Lucy gives him a look. He stops smiling. She leaves him.) A disarming smile doesn't have a chance against my total-warfare frown!

Linus: It's fair weather today Charlie Brown.
Charlie Brown: So where are all my friends?

Lucy: I'm worried about a little boy who sits in front of me at school. He cries every day. This afternoon I tried to help him. I whacked him one on the arm... There's nothing like a little physical pain to take your mind off emotional problems.

Linus: Why is it that as soon as a person states his ambition, everyone tries to discourate him? Why couldn't I be a polled Hereford rancher?
Lucy: Because you're stupid, that's why!
Linus: Besides that, I mean!

Linus: Can't you see me as king of the Hereford ranchers Lucy?
Lucy: Oh, I can see you all right. I can see you riding out on your beautiful Palomino checking the herd. There you sit, silhouetted against the evening sky, sucking your thumb and holding that stupid blanket!

Linus: (writing) Dear Great Pumpkin, I am looking forward to your arrival on Halloween night. I hope you will bring me lots of presents. Everyone tells me you are a fake, but I believe in you. Sincerely, Linus van Pelt. PS - if you really are a fake, don't tell me. I don't want to know.

Linus: Life is peculiar. Wouldn't you like to have your life to live over if you knew what you know now?
Sally: What do I know now?

Sally: I worry about getting old... who wants to be nine?

Lucy: Why do you think we're put here on earth Charlie Brown?
Charlie Brown: To make others happy.
Lucy: I don't think I'M making anyone very happy. Of course nobody's making ME very happy either. SOMEBODY'S NOT DOING HIS JOB!

Lucy: I'm intrigued by this view you have on the purpose of life, Charlie Brown. You say we're put on this earth to make others happy? ... What are the others put here for?

Lucy: Have you ever seen an X-ray of a hiccup?

Snoopy: I'm lost without my contact lenses!

Linus: Winning isn't everything, Charlie Brown!
Charlie Brown: Yes, but losing isn't anything!

(Linus checks in at Lucy's "Psychiatric Help 5 cents" stand.)
Linus: I have a problem, but I'm not sure you can help me. Wouldn't it be difficult for you to treat someone in your own family?
Lucy: Nonsense! I have learnt to be completely objective... now you just sit right there arent tell me what your trouble is...
Linus: Well most of the time I'm a pretty happy person... my only problem is this sister of mine who...
(Lucy stands on her seat behind the stand, reaches out, and slugs Linus.)

Lucy: Physicians can learn a lot about a patient by asking what may even sound like a very simple question... which do you prefer, a sunrise or a sunset?
Charlie Brown: Well, a sunset, I guess!
Lucy: I thought so! You're just the type ! I might have have known that! What a disappointment! People who prefer sunsets are dreamers! THey always give up! They always look back instead of forward! I just might have known you weren't a sunrise person! Sunrisers are go-getters! They have ambition and drive! Give me a person who likes a sunrise every time! Yes, sir! I'm sorry Charlie Brown. If you prefer sunsets to sunrises, I can't take your case. You're hopeless! (She leaves.)
Charlie Brown: Actually, I've always sort of preferred noon!

Lucy: What are you doing now?
Linus: Making myself a bread and butter sandwich. Am I buttering too loud for you?

Lucy: (on Schroeder's piano) I see Beethoven's birthday comes on a Sunday this year. Last year his birthday came on a Saturday. Next year his birthday comes on a Monday. Boy, talk about a weird guy!

Linus: I guess I talk too much. My mom is mad at me, my grandma is mad at me, everyone is mad at me. Yesterday my grandma drank 32 cups of coffee. I shouldn't have said anything. I suggested that perhaps her drinking 32 cups of coffee was not unlike my need for a security blanket. She didn't like the comparison.

Lucy: I think you should work hard to improve your character Charlie Brown. Once a child gets to be five years old, his character is pretty well established.
Charlie Brown: But I'm already five years old! I'm more than five!
Lucy: That's right, you are, aren't you? Too bad, that's the way it goes!

Linus: (looking at his thumb) Some days I taste like an inferior brand!

Lucy: No one wants to turn my jump rope for me. They all say I'm too crabby. They say I complain too much. They say I complain when they turn it too fast and they say I complain when they turn it too slow. No one understands us crabby people!

Lucy: Do you think I'm a crabby person?
Charlie Brown: Yes, I think you're a very crabby person.
Lucy: WELL WHO CARES WHAT YOU THINK?

Violet: What are you reading?
Charlie Brown: This is an adaptation of Sherlock Holmes.
Violet: An adaptation?
Charlie Brown: Yes, it's been adapted for children. It's not unlike drunking diluted root beer!

Lucy: What are you going to get me for Beethoven's birthday, Charlie Brown?
Charlie Brown: I'm not going to get you anything! I wouldn't get you something for Beethoven's birthday if you were the last girl on earth!
Lucy: What have you got against Beethoven?

Lucy: Beethoven's birthday is December 16th Shermy. Have you decided what you're going to get me?
Shermy: Yes! I'm not going to get you anything!
Lucy: What kind of a holiday is it where you don't give girls presents?

Lucy: Adversity builds character. Without adversity a person could never mature and face up to all of the things in life!
Charlie Brown: What things?
Lucy: More adversity!

Linus: Help! A queen snake! A queen snake!
Lucy: That's not a queen snake, that's just an old tree branch.
Linus: Well I'll be! So it is! (to branch) I suppose you think you're smart pretending you're a queen snake!

Patty: You're just as greedy as everyone else, Charlie Brown! Dón't come around here with our lectures and your moaning and groaning about everybody being greedy! You're no different from the rest of us!
Charlie Brown: I am too! I FEEL GUILTY ABOUT IT!

Charlie Brown: Ah, there's the bell! One more lunch hour out of the way. Two thousand, one hundred and twenty to go!

Linus: This is the big day! Nine hundred and ninety nine days! One to go - this is it! (walks over to the TV set.) Lucy, may I read your new comic book?
Lucy: No you can't ! And stop bothering me!
Linus: You did it! You did it! My heartiest congratulations! You did it!
Lucy: ?
Linus: You have been CRABBY for one thousand days in a row! You have just set an all-time record! I knew you could do it! See? I've been keeping track on this calendar since Tuesday, December 8th 1959! Remember that day? You threw an apple core at me! Since then you have gone one thousand days without failing once to be crabby! Let me shake your hand again! I'd also like to present you with this specially inscribed scroll commemorating this historical event. (Lucy takes it.) Again, may I say "Congratulations!" You are an inspiration to all crabby people in this world! (He leaves.)
Lucy: One rarely gets a chance to see such carefully prepared sarcasm!

(Lucy walks by Linus, who is trying to look innocent.)
Lucy: If you hit me with that snowball, you're going to be sorry! (She walks on. And gets hit.)
Linus: Oh I'm sorry! You're right - I'm very sorry! I hit my own sister with a snowball and now I'm really sorry - I'm so sorry! You were really right! How did you know I'd be so sorry? I'm really sorry! (He gets slogged.) How sorry can you get?

 

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