Peanuts Quotes 1

Charlie Brown: Next year I'm going to be a changed person.
Lucy: That's a laugh, Charlie Brown.
Charlie Brown: I mean it! I'm going to be strong and firm!
Lucy: Forget it... you'll always be wishy-washy! (she leaves)
Charlie Brown: Why can't I change just a little bit? (shouts) I'll be wishy one day and washy the next!

Linus: I dread getting old... I don't want to have to wear bifocal teeth!

(Lucy has buried Linus' blanket.)
Charlie Brown: Why don't you let me try to find some sort of substitute for your blanket? Maybe I could get you a dishtowel or something.
Linus: Would you give a starving dog a rubber bone?

Linus: Oh oh! Lucy's got her mad face on! No matter what I do or say today I'm going to get slugged. I might as well get it over with. (He walks to Lucy. And gets slugged.) Now I have the rest of the day to myself!

(Linus walks past, dragging his blanket. Snoopy puts a paw on it.)
Linus: Get that paw off my blanket, you stupid dog or be prepared to suffer the consequences! (Snoopy obeys.)
Snoopy: My life is full of unsuffered consequences...

Snoopy: How can you do push-ups when your nose gets in the way?

Linus: Snoopy, how about going for a little walk in the park?
Snoopy: Great! I'm always afraid to go for a walk alone. I might get mugged!

Linus: My teacher ...understands me!
Lucy: Either she's a genius or she's new on the job.

Linus: I never said I worship her, I just said I'm very fond of the ground on which she walks!

Lucy: You think being average is enough, don't you? Well it isn't! What shape would the world be in today if everyone settled for being average?
Linus: What shape is the world in today?

Violet: What are you two standing here looking so worried about?
Charlie Brown: We're afraid of the future!
Violet: Are you worried about anything in particular?
Charlie Brown: Oh, no. We're worried about everything!
Linus: Yes, our worrying is very broadminded!

Violet: It simply goes without saying that you are an inferior human being!
Charlie Brown: If it goes without saying, why did you say it?

Snoopy (on being house-trained with a rolled-up newspaper): It does tend however to give one a rather distorted view of the press!

Charlie Brown: Everything seems hopeless... I'm completely depressed.
Lucy: Go home. And eat a jelly-bread sandwich folded over. Five cents please. (Charlie Brown leaves. Lucy puts her feet up.) There are some cures you don't learn in medical school.

Linus: I love mankind! It's people I can't stand!

(Lucy threatens Linus with a fist.)
Lucy: These five fingers... individually, they're nothing. But when I curl them together like this into a single unit, they form a weapon that is terrible to behold!
(Linus gives in. Quickly. And then talks to his fingers.)
Linus: Why can't you guys get organized like that?

Charlie Brown: Dogs are really kind of peculiar... all they ever think about is eating... I call it a lack of depth.
Snoopy: I prefer to think of it as singleness of purpose!

Lucy: I've never known anyone who could forget things with such clockwork regularity!
Linus: I guess I'm just mechanically minded!

Linus: I never realized it before, but a school teacher is a very delicate instrument!

(Linus gets glasses.)
Charlie Brown: I'm sorry that you have to wear glasses Linus...
Linus: Don't feel sorry for me.. I can see things now that I never even knew existed before! Take Lucy for instance... for the first time I realize what a gorgeous creature she really is!
Lucy: Glasses haven't improved only his sight... they've also improved his sarcasm!

(Lucy and Charlie Brown are alone.)
Lucy: When I first saw Linus with his new glasses, I could have cried.. I really felt sorry for him... when he came into the house he looked just like a little owl! It just about broke my heart... (sigh)... BUT IF YOU EVER TELL HIM I SAID SO, I'LL KNOCK YOUR BLOCK OFF!

Linus: When I first got my glasses, they kind of bothered me... I guess I wasn't used to them... now I'm sometimes not even aware I have them on!
(The joke is that Linus only thinks he has them on.)

Charlie Brown: Do you wear glasses because you're farsighted or nearsighted?
Linus: Which is which?
Charlie Brown: Well, farsighted is when you can... or that nearsighted? Farsighted is when you can see things that... or is it the other way around? Maybe it's when you ... or maybe.. or maybe it's...
Linus: I wear glasses so I can see better!

Linus: I was going to use this box of chocolate mix here, but I changed my mind... I didn't want to use it after what I read on the side...
Lucy: What does it say on the side?
Linus: It's full of ingredients!

Linus: How do you like the chocolate I made for you?
Lucy: It's terrible! It's too weak! It tastes like some warm water that has had a brown crayon dipped in it!
Linus: (tastes it.) You're right. I'll go put in another crayon.

Lucy: Hey manager! As team spokesman I've been requested to ask you for more time off.
Charlie Brown: What sort of time off would you like?
Lucy: We prefer not to show up for games.

Lucy: Overpopulation is a real problem! You should be worried about it! Some night you're going to go to bed and when you get up the next morning there'll be no place for you to stand.
Linus: Why should I worry? I'll just go back to bed.

Lucy: Schroeder, do you think a pretty girl is like a melody?
Schroeder: I can't say ... I've never known any pretty girls!
Lucy: May your stupid piano be devoured by termites!

Lucy: Why don't you be a good little brother and go make me a jelly bread sandwich? If you don't I'm going to leap on you and pound you right through the floor! So why don't you make me that jelly-bread sandwich, huh? Please, dear brother?
Linus: (heading off for the kitchen) When someone asks you that nicely, how can you refuse?

Lucy: We critical people are always being criticized!

Schroeder: I like Beethoven. But Brahms makes me glad I'm alive. I think I'll go home and listen to Brahms Fourth. I have the need to have the feeling that it's good to be alive.
Charlie Brown: I know what you mean. That's a terrible feeling to have the need of having the feeling of having...

5: Hi there, puppy dog. My name is 5... I'm new in the neighborhood.
Snoopy: I never get names straight. Did he say V or 5?

Lucy: 5? Your name is 5? What sort of a name is that?
5: My dad is disturbed by all of the numbers being put on us these days so he changed our names to numbers...
Lucy: This is his way of protesting, huh?
5: No. This is his way of giving in!

5: Hi Charlie Brown, Hi Linus...
Linus: If we all had numbers instead of names, what number do you think you'd like to have?
Charlie Brown: How about 3.1416?
Linus: I don't know... I have a feeling that every Tom, Dick and Harry would be called 3.1416!

Frieda: You know what I think? I think you would have made a good cat!
Snoopy: Not me, I could never eat a cold mouse on a foggy morning.

(Charlie Brown gets nailed during a ball game and lies dazed on the pitcher's mound.)
Patty: What happened?
Linus: Charlie Brown got hit with a line drive!
Patty: Does anyone here know anything about first aid?
Lucy: It's probably not serious. Second or third aid will do.

Linus: Here, run over to the drinking fountain and soak this handkerchief with cold water.
Lucy: You're kidding! With a head like Charlie Brown's you'll need a bed sheet!
Charlie Brown: I'm dying and all I hear is insults!

Violet: Did you know that your name is in the New Testament, Linus?
Linus: Yes. In Second Timothy, the fourth chapter and the twenty first verse, "Do your best to come before winter. Eubulus sends greetings to you, as do Pudens and Linus and Claudia and all the brethren."
Violet: You drive me crazy!

Lucy: I'm on a new campaign to be nice to people. (She sees Snoopy.) While I'm at it I suppose I might as well include dogs. (pat pat pat.) Here's a nice pat on the head.
Snoopy: Thrills Ville!

Linus: You're so crabby all the time you've forgotten how to smile!
Lucy: Who's forgotten how to smile?
Linus: You have! Let's see you smile! I'll bet you can't! (Lucy tries to smile.) There! See? A smile goes up, not down! You've forgotten how to smile! See? (He leaves.)
Lucy: How humiliating!

Charlie Brown: No! No! No! That's not right! If you're going to learn to count, Sally, you're going to have to pay attention. Here's a picture with some boats in it. Now tell me how many boats you see.
Sally: All of them!

Linus: If you have some problem in your life, do you believe you should try to solve it right away or think about it for awhile?
Charlie Brown: Oh, think about it, by all means! I believe you should think about it for awhile.
Linus: To give yourself time to do the right thing about the problem?
Charlie Brown: No, to give it time to go away!

(Linus and Lucy are under an umbrella. It looks like they've been there awhile.)
Lucy: You think this is a lot of rain? Rachel Carson says when the oceans were being formed, it rained day and night for centuries.
Linus: It must have been very difficult to plan picnics!

Lucy: You can't drift along forever... you have to direct your thinking. For instance you have to decide whether you're going to be a liberal or a conservative. You have to take some sort of stand. You have to associate with some sort of cause.
Linus: Are there any openings in the lunatic fringe?

Lucy: This is our last game of the season. Let's win it!
Charlie Brown: Okay. Get out there and play your best.
Lucy: You always have to say something sarcastic, don't you?

Linus: I've told you a million times that adults are different! You have to be able to read them. You know what your trouble is? You just have to understand the adult mind. I can predict what the average adult will say or do in almost any given situation. This is a must if you are going to survive as a child! Now take grandma for instance... I can predict exactly what she will say in the following situation. You draw a picture and I'll draw a picture. Then you take the two pictures in and show them to grandma. Ask her which picture she thinks is the better... I predict that she will look at them and say "Why, I think they're both very nice."

(Charlie Brown is running.)
Violet: It's no use running! I'll get you! I'll get you Charlie Brown! I'll get you! I'll knock your block off ! I'll ...
Charlie Brown: (stops) Wait a minute! Hold everything! We can't carry on like this! We have no right to act this way! The world is filled with problems. People hurting other people. People not understanding other people. Now if we, as children, can't solve what are relatively minor problems, how can you expect...
(POW!)
Violet: I had to hit him quick... he was beginning to make sense!

Linus: Ow! I got a sliver!
Lucy: What's the matter with you?
Linus: I have a sliver in my finger.
Lucy: Ah ha! That means you're being punished for something! What have you done wrong lately?
Linus: I haven't done anything wrong!
Lucy: You have a sliver, haven't you? That's a misfortune, isn't it? Your being punished with misfortune because you've been bad!
Charlie Brown: Now wait a minute, does...
Lucy: What do you know about it, Charlie Brown? This is a sign! This is a direct of punishment! Linus has done something very wrong and now he has to suffer misfortune! I know all about these things! I know that a...
Linus: It's out! It popped right out! (Lucy leaves, pissed.) Thus endeth the theological lesson for today!

Charlie Brown: I'll tell you why English teachers go to college for four years. So they can make stupid little kids write stupid essays on what they did all stupid summer!

Charlie Brown: What's this about Miss Othmar coming back?
Linus: She is, Charlie Brown! She's coming back to our school to teach again!
Charlie Brown: I thought her name was Mrs Hagemeyer now.
Linus: No, that's just her married name. In real life she's Miss Othmar!

Linus: You're always crabby! You're crabby in the morning. You're crabby at noon and you're crabby at night!
Lucy: Can I help it if I have crabby genes?

Lucy: Look at this way Charlie Brown. These are your bitter days. These are your days of hardship and struggle. But if you'll just hold your head up high and keep on fighting someday you'll triumph!
Charlie Brown: Gee, do you really think so Lucy?
Lucy: Frankly, no!

Lucy: Each generation must be able to blame the previous generation for its problems. It doesn't solve anything, but it makes us all feel better.

Charlie Brown: Poor Sally is so nervous that if someone mentioned kindergarten, I bet she'd jump thirty feet in the air.
Lucy: Kindergarten! (Looks up with Charlie Brown) Only ten feet! I knew you were exaggerating.

Schroeder: Charlie Brown, let me give you a little advice. As long as you think only of yourself, you'll never find happiness. You've got to start thinking about others!
Charlie Brown: Others? What others? Who in the world am I supposed to think about?
Schroeder: Beethoven!
Charlie Brown: Oh good grief!

Charlie Brown: What if everyone was like you? What if we all ran away from our problems? Huh? What then? What if everyone in the whole world suddenly decided to run away from his problems?
Linus: Well, at least we'll all be running in the same direction!

Charlie Brown: Did your dad take you to many ball games this year?
Linus: Oh yes, we went to quite a few. I think he likes having a son to take to the ball games. I'm sort of a built-in friend!

Charlie Brown: It says here that the force of gravitation is 13% less than it was 14.5 billion years ago.
Lucy: Whose fault is that?
Charlie Brown: Fault? It's nobody's fault!
Lucy: What do you mean nobody's fault! It has to be somebody's fault! Somebody's got to take the blame! Find a scapegoat!

Frieda: It's a nice day. If I were a dog, I'd be out chasing rabbits on such a nice day...
Snoopy: If it's such a nice day, why spoil it for the rabbits?

Linus: I don't like to face problems head on. I think the best way to solve problems is to avoid them. This is a distinct philosophy of mine. No problem can be so complicated that it can't be run away from!